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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

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Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

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Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

I found about your blog on google and read a few of your early posts. I hope you will keep up the very good work. I just added your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. I'm seeing forward to reading more from you later on!

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

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uUSewL

You completed certain fine points there. I did a search on the subject and found the majority of folks will agree with your blog.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Why don't you write books people can read?

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

SLmCCM

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

This is the fitting blog for anybody who wants to search out out about this topic. You realize a lot its almost arduous to argue with you (not that I truly would need…HaHa). You positively put a brand new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just nice!

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Took me time to read all of the comments, but I seriously enjoyed the content. It turned out to be Quite useful to me and that i am certain to all of the commenters here It is always nice when you are able not only learn, but also entertained Im sure you had fun writing this post.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Solid post, nice work. It Couldn't be written any improved. Reading this post reminds me of my previous boss! He always kept babbling about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty certain he will have a superb read. Thanks for sharing!

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

keep up the great work on the blog. I like it. Could use some more frequent updates, but i'm sure that you got other things stuff to do like we all have to do unfortunately. =)

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

MArbwEPT

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

i've visited this site a couple of times now and i have to tell you that i find it quite good actually. keep the nice work up! =p

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I like the blog, but could not discover how to subscribe to obtain the updates by email.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

My definition [of a philosopher] is of a man up in a balloon, with his family and friends holding the ropes which confine him to earth and trying to haul him down. ~Louisa May Alcott, in Life, Letters, and Journals, ed. E.D. Cheney, 1889

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

continue with the the nice work on the site. I kinda like it! :) Could use some more frequent updates, but i'm sure you got more or better stuff to do , hehe. :)

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

NezoAel

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

The definition of some really good music players for kids? My cousin is 5 yoa and for christmas I need to buy her a music player, she loves my nano but I think it might be difficult for her to apply it. Are there any good ones for kids?

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Not a unhealthy post at all!

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

kinda like what you posted actually. it just is not that simple to discover good text toactually read (you know READ! and not just browsing through it like a zombie before moving on), so cheers man for really not wasting my time on the god forsaken internet. ;)

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

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God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

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Men have become the tools of their tools.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something informative to read?

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.